20 latest tweets
But... Sunday's my laundry day! http://t.co/BapDlSB0
Just finished writing my 2nd children's book. It'll be in stores in about two years. Get in line now!
Kids! Remember to leave a ground hog under your pillow tonight, so you can see what the ground hog fairy brings you!
Dixie Riddle Cups were the Twitter of 1973.
Sorry, but I still can’t get over it. Unobtanium??? #NeverFallInLoveWithYourFirstDraft
What's YOUR favorite tobacco drink? Mine's a nicotini! http://t.co/BmiGkFoy
“It’s hard to pick a candidate to vote for – they’re just all so wonderful!” – I’m guessing no one, in any election, ever
Turns out this 1999 clip has TWO Oscar nominees: Octavia Spencer and Melissa McCarthy. They finally got the AL-TV bump! http://t.co/Mqdc4EFQ
Congrats to Oscar-nominee @octaviaspencer! You can see her doing some of her all-time best work here at 2:15: http://t.co/Mqdc4EFQ
Hmmm... get my diamond-studded Vaseline jar refilled, or just toss it and get a new one? #TweetsFromTheOnePercent http://t.co/H4uI7zNw
People love walking on flat surfaces so much they will walk up a flight of stairs to do it. #WhatIRememberFrom4YearsOfArchitectureSchool
I'm astonished by some of these Oscar snubs. Really? No love for Chipwrecked???
It's Sandwich Monday, kids! http://t.co/0dPMft9w
Paul's First Blog Post to the Corinthians #UpdatedNewTestament
Why aren't they asking the important questions in these debates? I need to know where the candidates stand on arugula.
COREY HART!!! #WhatItSoundsLikeWhenIVomit
If I had a pet crab, I would totally name him Thomas Pynchon.
If you eliminate the possibility of social interaction with other people based purely on random criteria, I don’t even want to know you.
AHHH! OH GOD I’M DYING! NOOO!!! I—oh, wait, I had a beet salad last night.
Oh, thank goodness. Now I don’t have to use that pork floss anymore. http://t.co/DNlJsezo
